Phil 3:7 But whatever former things I had that might have been gains to me, I have come to consider as [[a]one combined] loss for Christ’s sake.
8 Yes, furthermore, I count everything as loss compared to the possession of the priceless privilege (the overwhelming preciousness, the surpassing worth, and supreme advantage) of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord and of progressively becoming more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him [of perceiving and recognizing and understanding Him more fully and clearly]. For His sake I have lost everything and consider it all to be mere rubbish (refuse, dregs), in order that I may win (gain) Christ (the Anointed One),
9 And that I may [actually] be found and known as in Him, not having any [self-achieved] righteousness that can be called my own, based on my obedience to the Law’s demands (ritualistic uprightness and supposed right standing with God thus acquired), but possessing that [genuine righteousness] which comes through faith in Christ (the Anointed One), the [truly] right standing with God, which comes from God by [saving] faith.
10 [For my determined purpose is] that I may know Him [that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His Person more strongly and more clearly], and that I may in that same way come to know the power outflowing from His resurrection [[b]which it exerts over believers], and that I may so share His sufferings as to be continually transformed [in spirit into His likeness even] to His death, [in the hope]
11 That if possible I may attain to the [[c]spiritual and moral] resurrection [that lifts me] out from among the dead [even while in the body].
12 Not that I have now attained [this ideal], or have already been made perfect, but I press on to lay hold of (grasp) and make my own, that for which Christ Jesus (the Messiah) has laid hold of me and made me His own.
13 I do not consider, brethren, that I have captured and made it my own [yet]; but one thing I do [it is my one aspiration]: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead,14 I press on toward the goal to win the [supreme and heavenly] prize to which God in Christ Jesus is calling us upward.
Last week was a good week. Actually, it was a GREAT week... it started off by having one homeless friend get a job, another get an apartment, another go into a shelter and another go into a drug and alcohol rehab program. I was really happy to know these people that I care about so deeply were moving forward, seeing hope return into their lives. Then Saturday came and two young men I love very much chose to leave the rehab house they were in and I was devastated... I guess I went through a grieving process because it went through those typical stages of anger, sadness and the question of why? (honestly I camped a bit in the anger stage, and added a tad bit of judgement to the pot as well - which of course I am in no way proud of, but just speaking the truth here and YES God corrected that in my heart)
And then Sunday came... I had to drive to Raleigh to pick my son up from the airport so I had time to worship and pray as I drove. My heart was overwhelmed and instead of being angry at them, I saw some things I hadn't seen before, things in me. How many times have I left "rehab"? How many times have I let the temporal things in front of my eyes keep me from walking through things that may be hard to do at the time for a greater good that they would accomplish in me? How many times has my own selfishness and demanding to do things in my own way in my own timing robbed me of the good He had for me? How many times have I set off in a direction that I knew He was leading me only to let it last days, hours or even seconds? How many times have I acted as if the days and years of my life were mine to choose, as if they were my own?
Saturday night a friend and I had been talking about the power that Paul walked in, how it wasn't an occasional thing, but from what I see of the Word, a daily thing. But, I see in Paul something today that I am determining in my heart and praying that I will not stray from... something I will not "leave rehab" on... Paul had a determined purpose - to KNOW HIM, to increasingly become MORE acquainted with Him, to walk in ALL that He offers us. His determination to let everything else become as worthless as rubbish to him is what kept Him in His Presence, what pushed him to become more and more like him, to so intimately walk with him that signs and wonders were not what he was seeking, they were just an outpouring of who he had become in Him - he reflected Jesus, because that was all he cared about being... more like HIM!
So, Sunday morning, my anger and sadness for what I saw as a blown opportunity by two men who NEEDED that opportunity... I now saw was a reflection of all the opportunities I have blown, for the rebellion in my own heart that likes to plan out and decide my own future, that hates for someone else to tell me what to do and how to do, that wants to do my own thing...
"I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me." Galatians 2:20
This was the cry of Paul's heart - he LIVED this! In LIVING this, in TRULY knowing, truly allowing his flesh to be crucified - dying to his own desires, truly allowing Jesus' life to flow through him, truly exchanging his own life for the FAR greater life that Jesus offers to be a reality in Him, he saw what became his heart's desire... He became LIKE Him.
Through all of this, through the anger the sadness for what I judged as another's mistake, I saw my own desperateness... how many times I have "left rehab" have not allowed God to do all that He could do within me.. It made me look within myself. I see Paul's determined purpose and I make it my own... the cry of my heart - to KNOW HIM, to TRULY crucify my own flesh and let Him live through me - to NOT leave rehab, but to TRULY allow HIM to be the one that leads to let His love wash over me and through me, to help me to "forget what's behind and press onward", to surrender ALL.
Those that minister to the addicted say that rehab will not work until the one addicted realizes how much they need it. Today, I realize how much I need His touch, how much I need Him and I am desperate, desperate to be rid of this addiction to self, desperate to Know Him more, at the end of me...desperate for Him!
