Learning to Love Well

Several years ago while we were living in Colorado, I was at our church one day with a young women that I was mentoring.  Our pastor, his family and our family were close friends and he always said that I was like his little sister because we always joked around.  Ray and I became to joke and I said something to him that I didn't think twice about, but when I looked up, there was a strange look on the women's face.  She said, "wow, you are so sarcastic."  I quickly explained how I was of course kidding, it was no big deal, there was no harm meant and joking was just part of who I am.  It was clear that my explanation did nothing to change her mind and I just thought that she was the offensive one.  In my mind I thought it was just totally apparent that she had no sense of humor, after all, it was just harmless joking...  or so I thought until later in prayer, after I got over my pride (yep, pride hates to take correction, it would MUCH rather justify!), God showed me that she was TOTALLY right! (don't ya just LOVE those moments of realization, but I am SO glad that His heart is for us to learn and to grow!)

I grew up in a family where sarcasm was king and was exalted to a fine art, and I was a master!  Even though my thought was to be funny, when I really examined it, and allowed God to open my heart, I realized it was really anything BUT funny. My "training" as a child came from sarcasm which had been directed at me, funny, maybe, but it had also been extremely hurtful.  My response was to build a wall of protection by being sarcastic and "funny" back, my survival mode.  The "root" was not humor, but pain... trying to hide behind a laugh, without much thought of who it might wound, and my tongue was a sword! 

So here I was, the "teacher" being schooled by the student.  I asked her forgiveness and asked God to deal with my heart, to show me what was underneath, to help me with what pleased His heart.  I am SO NOT saying that humor is not a good thing, it is an amazing thing, a GOD thing!  What I AM saying is that there are many things which we do in the NAME of humor, that really is sin knocking at our door and us opening it wide and seeing it as harmless.  My reaction of thinking it was my personality was really a cop out not to examine my heart, it was easier to see HER as humorless, than MYSELF as offensive or in the wrong.

"A merry heart does good, like medicine, But a broken spirit dries the bones."  Proverbs 17:21-23

"A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance, But by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken."  Proverbs 15:12-14

  

"For you have been called to live in freedom, my brothers and sisters. But don’t use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature. Instead, use your freedom to serve one another in love. 14 For the whole law can be summed up in this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”[c] 15 But if you are always biting and devouring one another, watch out! Beware of destroying one another."Gal 5:13 

"But immorality (sexual vice) and all impurity [[a]of lustful, rich, wasteful living] or greediness must not even be named among you, as is fitting and proper among saints (God's consecrated people).

    Let there be no filthiness (obscenity, indecency) nor foolish and sinful (silly and corrupt) talk, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting or becoming; but instead voice your thankfulness [to God].

    For be sure of this: that no person practicing sexual vice or impurity in thought or in life, or one who is covetous [who has lustful desire for the property of others and is greedy for gain]--for he [in effect] is an idolater--has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God."  Eph 5:3-5

First off, anyone who has been a Christian for any amount of time knows the commandment to love your neighbor as yourself…  So he answered and said, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind,’[a] and ‘your neighbor as yourself.’” Luke 10:27  We are to love God, and His kids! After talking of our freedom, Paul warns us in Gal 5:13, not to use that freedom to sin, but to serve each other in LOVE, to follow the greatest commandment and to BE CAREFUL not to "bite and devour one another."  Think of how our words can devour…  a careless word, even if said jokingly can have devastating consequences.   A while back, while with some friends, we were all joking around and someone made a joke about another person there and everyone joined in the laughter.  The person being teased laughed too, but I saw something in their eyes that bothered me.  Later, I felt the Lord speak to me that even though they joined in the laughter and would never had said to anyone that it bothered them, the thing that had been joked about was a great source of insecurity for the person.  It made me think, if it had been me, I would have laughed and it may not have bothered me right then, at the time, but later, maybe when I was fighting a battle within myself and the enemy was trying to bring me down, THERE it would pop up!  The memory brought front and center, there to beat me up and remind me and confirm for the enemy what he is trying to get me to believe about myself.  The words meant as funny, become the words that "bite" and "devour."  I want my words to be used of God, to encourage, to bless, to confirm His words not to be used by the enemy to bring condemnation and pain and to side with what he would speak.  

"Let there be no filthiness (obscenity, indecency) nor foolish and sinful (silly and corrupt) talk, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting or becoming; but instead voice your thankfulness [to God]" (Eph 5:4)  So what is "coarse jesting"?  Most of us know that obscene jokes are not something we should take part in, but is that all?  To "jest" is of course to joke, but it also means, an utterance (as a jeer or quip) intended to be taken as mockery or humor, to make a laughing stock, to speak or act in mere sport, rather than in earnest; trifle.  Coarse: of ordinary or inferior quality or value:common (we are called to be in this world, but not OF it!), adjusted or designed for heavy, fast, or less delicate work (so, not refined or careful?), crude or unrefined in taste, manners, or language.  Is there anyone who wants to be made a laughing stock?  Does anyone feel a great big dose of love, get the warm fuzzes from being mocked?  

So as God has been working this out in me, these are my "take aways":

1. Check my heart… "out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks", is my heart pure, without wrong motive?

2. Is this a cover up?  Is the "joke" a cover for something I would not say otherwise, if so, refer back to #! - check my heart.

3. Is is beneficial to the hearer?  Will it bring blessing and joy or mocking and pain?

4. A joke at another's expense can be expensive!  Would my words hurt?  (I think that a "coarse jest" hurts us too as it is not agreeing with God and His word.  We are ALL His kids, if you are a parent you understand how much it hurts when your kids are not kind to each other...)

I am SO glad that our God is a God of joy!  Humor is a wonderful thing when we are attuned to His heart  - He wants us to laugh and enjoy life - just to do so in right order so it can be fully enjoyed by all!  

"A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold In settings of silver." Proverbs 25:11

"Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
Be acceptable in Your sight,
O Lord, my strength and my Redeemer."  Psalm 19:14