Too Broken to Fix? - John 5, part 1

For the past few months I have found myself returning to a well known story in John 5.  Most of us have read the story of the crippled man at the pool of Bethesda.  I thought I knew the story through and through, but there is so much more to the story...  so much more that makes this miracle even more significant than I had ever realized, so much that speaks to my heart through the centuries and reveals the healing available to us all no matter how "broken" we may be.

John 5:2 Now there is in Jerusalem a pool near the Sheep Gate. This pool in the Hebrew is called Bethesda, having five porches (alcoves, colonnades, doorways).

3 In these lay a great number of sick folk—some blind, some crippled, and some paralyzed (shriveled up)—[a]waiting for the bubbling up of the water.

4 For an angel of the Lord went down at appointed seasons into the pool and moved and stirred up the water; whoever then first, after the stirring up of the water, stepped in was cured of whatever disease with which he was afflicted.

5 There was a certain man there who had suffered with a deep-seated and lingering disorder for thirty-eight years.6 When Jesus noticed him lying there [helpless], knowing that he had already been a long time in that condition, He said to him, Do you want to become well? [Are you really in earnest about getting well?]

7 The invalid answered, Sir, I have nobody when the water is moving to put me into the pool; but while I am trying to come [into it] myself, somebody else steps down ahead of me.

This man had suffered so long, his answer that he had no one to help him into the water speaks that his soul was as sick as his body.  He didn't have anyone to help him, his hope of being healed was dashed, he was left broken, alone, hopeless, years wasted, unable to move.  I am sure this man had dreams, things that he desperately wanted to do with his life, but circumstance did not allow those dreams to be realized.  I wonder if he felt like too much time had passed, that after all that time, he would never be able to realize those dreams, he was no longer a young man, his chance was gone - (few people in the first century lived past fifty).  In our modern culture we idolize youth, doing everything possible to preserve it.  So much emphasis is put on youth that we tend to forget that to God age does not matter, he uses the young, the old and everything in between.  In His word, many did not even really get started until they were well past the age we would find useful - Moses, Abraham, the list goes on. 

Too often, those that the world see as disabled become almost invisible, forgotten.  No one "saw" him, to help him to the water, he was too broken to help himself...

Jesus sees him in his helpless state, knowing he has been there a long time and yet asks him if he wants to become well?  I thought this question odd until I thought about how we can so easily become comfortable in our situations - even if we despise the situation, it is what we know and change can be scary. Or sometimes we just don't have any idea how to do things differently than we have always done - it can be unnerving to navigate how to live in a new reality we have never known.  Had this man ever worked?  Now, it would be expected of him.  Had he ever done any of the things that we consider part of everyday life?  He would now have to learn to live what most would have taken for granted.

So, with a heart full of "what if's", failure, regret and hopelessness, SUDDENLY, everything changed.  In one moment, he experienced SOZO (healing, deliverance, salvation) and was never the same, as he "took up his bed and walked" into new life.

There are some things in my life that had made me feel emotionally stuck, broken, paralyzed, not able to move forward.  I still had big God dreams in my heart, but felt as the birthdays had been adding on, my usefulness for God was diminishing, my time running out, my chances gone.  Situations had made me feel that I was invisible and I had gotten so used to it, that it had become the "norm".  I had felt that my brokenness had disqualified me, not so much in the eyes of God as in the eyes of people who saw my brokenness but not my heart.  Just as this man, centuries ago felt like others could step down into the pool and be healed, yet he was passed by, I had felt passed by, passed over, invisible.

Vs 5 - Jesus "noticed" him...  Jesus noticed him and He notices us...  This man had a choice to make - did he really want change, healing? I realized that I have that same choice to make.  Do I trust Him that He is able to heal every hurt in my heart?  Do I believe all the He has said over my life and am I willing to allow Him to change me?  Am I going to choose to listen to what He says about me, or am I going to listen to my fears, what others say, what the enemy says, etc., and stay stuck?  It doesn't matter what our past (or even your present) is unless we choose to stay and live there forever.  In a world that throws things away now instead of having them fixed, we need to remember that Daddy God does not do that, he is still in the restoration business.

You are not too old, you are not too broken and you are not invisible...  He notices you...

Tainted Vision, Labels and Sponge Bob's Brain

There is a scene from a Sponge Bob episode that Sponge Bob is trying to retrieve information out of his brain.  It shows the inside of his brain as a room full of file cabinets and a bunch of mini Sponge Bob's frantically running around pulling out files trying to find the info he is looking for and ends up with them all kind of short circuiting and the files all flying everywhere.

For months I have been thinking about how it seems to be a part of our human nature to want to "label" people, situations, etc., and file them away in our brains - it is easy and neat.  The problem is that rarely can a person be neatly "labeled and filed", put into neat little categories that we create.  I have had several situations over the past year that I have been labeled and filed.  I am NOT what I was labeled, but once the label was slapped on and the file drawer closed there was absolutely NOTHING I could do that was going to change it.  It made me really start to think about how I "label and file" others, do I look at them through my own tainted vision and determine who I think they are?  Do I take a few words or actions and make a judgement as to their entire personality?  Do I lock the file drawer and never allow them to escape the "label" I have assigned to them?  When I look at people, am I REALLY SEEING them, or is my vision tainted by my own past hurts, my own issues of distrust or pain or anything else that can keep me from seeing clearly?  Am I seeing them as God does, with value and worth, not easily categorized into my mental filing system?  Am I giving them grace or a label?

In Judges 6 & 7 is a beautiful example of how God sees so differently than we do.  The Midianites had been the enemy of Israel for seven years.  Every year they would come in "like locusts" and would destroy all their crops and livestock.  For seven years the Israelites lived in fear of their enemy and fear of starvation.  Because of this, Gideon hides in a winepress to thresh his wheat.  Here is a fearful man, hiding from his enemy in hopes that he could save his wheat and save himself and his family from starvation.  Yet as an Angel of the Lord appears to him, he addresses him, "The Lord is with you, you mighty man of fearless courage!"  First off, I am sure that it did not appear at all to him that the Lord was with him, secondly, I am sure that he did not see himself, nor did anyone else see him as a "mighty man of fearless courage."  Gideon questions this, asking why the Lord has forsaken them and where are the miracles of the past, and the Lord says, "Go in this might of yours, and you shall save Israel from the hand of the Midianites.  Have I not sent you?"

Really?  The scared guy hiding in the winepress, THIS is the guy, THIS is the "mighty man of fearless courage" that is going to save Israel from their enemies?  THIS guy?  It is clear that Gideon did not see this about himself as he asked God for various signs that it was Him really speaking.  This scripture is used sometimes to talk about doubting because Gideon questioned God, but I see it so differently.  I see that God saw the gold HE had put within Gideon, the things HE had put within him that only HE could see... in Gideon's doubt, God revealed to him that he was hearing correctly, the signs he asked for were fulfilled so that Gideon's eyes could be opened to see himself as God saw him.

Gideon BECAME the man God saw within him, he was transformed into the man God saw he could be.  God used him to defeat the enemy without even having to battle, God used him to do miracles... a man that had thought miracles were of the past, saw that God was still a God of miracles.  If God could do that for Gideon, what does He have for you?  Maybe you have "labeled and filed" yourself, maybe you see your own faults and failings and can't see beyond them to the greatness within you - God does not make junk and He made you -  you are not a mistake or an afterthought.  Maybe you have never seen God do a miracle and think as Gideon did, "where are all His wondrous works of which our fathers told us"...  Maybe, you are a "mighty man of fearless courage" hiding in a winepress...  BUT, you don't have to STAY in that winepress!  As God was ready to pull that gold out of Gideon and TRANSFORM him into the man He saw he could be, He can do for you!  He is still the God of miracles and He is still the God that loves you, He is still the God that transforms!  If you have doubt, talk to Him!  If you need His reassurance, ask Him!  Let Him rearrange your thinking, pull off the labels you have put on yourself and replace them with His label - as with Gideon, from "fearful"  to "fearless!"

My prayer is that we all will allow God to show us how He sees us and how He sees those around us too.  When we see the "Gideons" around us are we "labeling and filing" them with how WE see them? I want to see people through His eyes, not my own!  This story illustrates how our sight in the natural could be totally missing it!  I want to be one who helps to reveal the treasures of God within others, to love and encourage and help them to grow!


If you have never read the rest of the story, it is amazing!  (Judges 6-7)

Pressing on...

There are people we meet in our journey that touch our hearts so deeply, it is hard to describe.  Of course our parents and our families play a huge role in who we are and I am thankful for my parents and love them dearly, but this morning I have been thinking about those others that God has put in my path.  Some of these people are people that sow years into us, helping us to grow and become the people that God sees inside of us.  Those that make us want to be better…  Carolyn Quinn prayed with me the day I asked Jesus into my life and has loved, mentored and helped to pick me up ever since.  She is a so precious to me, I am so thankful that God placed her in my life and I am beyond blessed to know her, her endless love and mercy towards me presses me on to be better.  In my saying "better", I am not talking about a beating myself up because I am not perfect thing.  I am meaning that there are those people God puts in our lives that press us on to know Jesus more, to give up more of self and dive headlong into the deep with Him as they have, as if they are in the deep end of an endless pool urging us on to "jump in, the water is fine!" 

Then there are those that are in our lives for a season, however long that may be.  When I think of my dear friend and mentor Orvilla Brown, my heart fills with wonder.  Although she was older than my grandmother when we met, there was no age difference in our friendship.  Even as I write my heart aches with missing her… she "got" me without me having to explain, she saw the gifts of God in me and drew them out of me, she filled me with the goodness of God through the stories of His faithfulness to her and her prayers and prophetic insight.  She may have been outwardly frail, but inside she was a powerhouse - strong, faithful and loving - everything I want to be.  She knew Him so intimately, our visits were filled with His presence and she urged me on to go deeper, to press on to know Him more…  to love Him and His kids, to press on and be better.

Pat Johnson, afflicted with ALS and yet taught me many "sermons" by the example of her life.  This amazing woman always made me feel like I left with treasure within whenever I spent time with her - she would thank me for coming and I would be overwhelmed knowing that I was the one leaving blessed and hoping that I was blessing her even just a small percentage of how much she blessed me.  I visited her once in the hospital, she was having trouble speaking, but she told her best friend to ask me if I could stand where she could see my face because she could see Jesus in my eyes.  It completely wrecks me every time I think of it because it was the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.  She said that it gave her the comfort of the Lord to look in my eyes.  I looked into hers and saw a superhero of a woman inside a body that could no longer hold this amazing woman who did more in my spirit in that one instant than a thousand sermons.  The nurses called her Sunshine and her funeral was filled with caregivers she led to the Lord through her journey.  I am so thankful I knew her, she made me want to be better... 

Some seasons are short ones, shorter than we want them to be, maddeningly short.  I found out last night that a season that I had hoped would be longer is not to be.  I am trying to look at the positive and be thankful that I had the season at all, no matter how short, and I AM thankful, but so sad also… it is so hard sometimes to let go of something we don't want to be over with yet.  I met Pastor Myra in such a God way and our hearts connected immediately, I wanted more time with her, but I guess with truly amazing people we meet, we ALWAYS want more time with them no matter how long we were blessed to have them in our lives.  They add such a richness to life that we want them to be a part of it always.  Yes, I know we have eternity together and yes that is a comfort, but yes, I still wanted more time with her here on earth.  In the little time I knew her, she displayed such love, grace and anointing of God, she made me want to be better.

Like all of us, I could write a book about all of the amazing people God has put into my path …  I am so very thankful to God for all of you, my wonderful friends that have meant so much to me and I want you to know how much I love and appreciate you!  To those that I miss so much, I am thankful that God put them in my life and that I will one day be reunited… until then, I hold the richness of my season with them, the gift of God they sowed into me and I pray that I become all that God has for me to be, that their sowing was into good ground in my heart, that I give all the love He desires me to give and continue to be urged on to press on by their memory and how they saw the gift of God in me.  There is still so much to do, so many who do not know His love, so many that see no worth in themselves, I want to be one who sees Him in the eyes of another who can't see it in themselves and help them to press on…

Philippians 3:7-14 (NKJV)

7 But what things were gain to me, these I have counted loss for Christ. 8 Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ 9 and be found in Him, not having my own righteousness, which is from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which is from God by faith; 10 that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death, 11 if, by any means, I may attain to the resurrection from the dead.12 Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. 13 Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, 14 I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 3:7-14 (NLT)

7 I once thought these things were valuable, but now I consider them worthless because of what Christ has done. 8 Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ 9 and become one with him. I no longer count on my own righteousness through obeying the law; rather, I become righteous through faith in Christ.[a] For God’s way of making us right with himself depends on faith. 10 I want to know Christ and experience the mighty power that raised him from the dead. I want to suffer with him, sharing in his death, 11 so that one way or another I will experience the resurrection from the dead!12 I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. 13 No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it,[b] but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.

Learning to Love Well

Several years ago while we were living in Colorado, I was at our church one day with a young women that I was mentoring.  Our pastor, his family and our family were close friends and he always said that I was like his little sister because we always joked around.  Ray and I became to joke and I said something to him that I didn't think twice about, but when I looked up, there was a strange look on the women's face.  She said, "wow, you are so sarcastic."  I quickly explained how I was of course kidding, it was no big deal, there was no harm meant and joking was just part of who I am.  It was clear that my explanation did nothing to change her mind and I just thought that she was the offensive one.  In my mind I thought it was just totally apparent that she had no sense of humor, after all, it was just harmless joking...  or so I thought until later in prayer, after I got over my pride (yep, pride hates to take correction, it would MUCH rather justify!), God showed me that she was TOTALLY right! (don't ya just LOVE those moments of realization, but I am SO glad that His heart is for us to learn and to grow!)

I grew up in a family where sarcasm was king and was exalted to a fine art, and I was a master!  Even though my thought was to be funny, when I really examined it, and allowed God to open my heart, I realized it was really anything BUT funny. My "training" as a child came from sarcasm which had been directed at me, funny, maybe, but it had also been extremely hurtful.  My response was to build a wall of protection by being sarcastic and "funny" back, my survival mode.  The "root" was not humor, but pain... trying to hide behind a laugh, without much thought of who it might wound, and my tongue was a sword! 

So here I was, the "teacher" being schooled by the student.  I asked her forgiveness and asked God to deal with my heart, to show me what was underneath, to help me with what pleased His heart.  I am SO NOT saying that humor is not a good thing, it is an amazing thing, a GOD thing!  What I AM saying is that there are many things which we do in the NAME of humor, that really is sin knocking at our door and us opening it wide and seeing it as harmless.  My reaction of thinking it was my personality was really a cop out not to examine my heart, it was easier to see HER as humorless, than MYSELF as offensive or in the wrong.

"A merry heart does good, like medicine, But a broken spirit dries the bones."  Proverbs 17:21-23

"A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance, But by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken."  Proverbs 15:12-14

  

"For you have been called to live in freedom, my brothers and sisters. But don’t use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature. Instead, use your freedom to serve one another in love. 14 For the whole law can be summed up in this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”[c] 15 But if you are always biting and devouring one another, watch out! Beware of destroying one another."Gal 5:13 

"But immorality (sexual vice) and all impurity [[a]of lustful, rich, wasteful living] or greediness must not even be named among you, as is fitting and proper among saints (God's consecrated people).

    Let there be no filthiness (obscenity, indecency) nor foolish and sinful (silly and corrupt) talk, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting or becoming; but instead voice your thankfulness [to God].

    For be sure of this: that no person practicing sexual vice or impurity in thought or in life, or one who is covetous [who has lustful desire for the property of others and is greedy for gain]--for he [in effect] is an idolater--has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God."  Eph 5:3-5

First off, anyone who has been a Christian for any amount of time knows the commandment to love your neighbor as yourself…  So he answered and said, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind,’[a] and ‘your neighbor as yourself.’” Luke 10:27  We are to love God, and His kids! After talking of our freedom, Paul warns us in Gal 5:13, not to use that freedom to sin, but to serve each other in LOVE, to follow the greatest commandment and to BE CAREFUL not to "bite and devour one another."  Think of how our words can devour…  a careless word, even if said jokingly can have devastating consequences.   A while back, while with some friends, we were all joking around and someone made a joke about another person there and everyone joined in the laughter.  The person being teased laughed too, but I saw something in their eyes that bothered me.  Later, I felt the Lord speak to me that even though they joined in the laughter and would never had said to anyone that it bothered them, the thing that had been joked about was a great source of insecurity for the person.  It made me think, if it had been me, I would have laughed and it may not have bothered me right then, at the time, but later, maybe when I was fighting a battle within myself and the enemy was trying to bring me down, THERE it would pop up!  The memory brought front and center, there to beat me up and remind me and confirm for the enemy what he is trying to get me to believe about myself.  The words meant as funny, become the words that "bite" and "devour."  I want my words to be used of God, to encourage, to bless, to confirm His words not to be used by the enemy to bring condemnation and pain and to side with what he would speak.  

"Let there be no filthiness (obscenity, indecency) nor foolish and sinful (silly and corrupt) talk, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting or becoming; but instead voice your thankfulness [to God]" (Eph 5:4)  So what is "coarse jesting"?  Most of us know that obscene jokes are not something we should take part in, but is that all?  To "jest" is of course to joke, but it also means, an utterance (as a jeer or quip) intended to be taken as mockery or humor, to make a laughing stock, to speak or act in mere sport, rather than in earnest; trifle.  Coarse: of ordinary or inferior quality or value:common (we are called to be in this world, but not OF it!), adjusted or designed for heavy, fast, or less delicate work (so, not refined or careful?), crude or unrefined in taste, manners, or language.  Is there anyone who wants to be made a laughing stock?  Does anyone feel a great big dose of love, get the warm fuzzes from being mocked?  

So as God has been working this out in me, these are my "take aways":

1. Check my heart… "out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks", is my heart pure, without wrong motive?

2. Is this a cover up?  Is the "joke" a cover for something I would not say otherwise, if so, refer back to #! - check my heart.

3. Is is beneficial to the hearer?  Will it bring blessing and joy or mocking and pain?

4. A joke at another's expense can be expensive!  Would my words hurt?  (I think that a "coarse jest" hurts us too as it is not agreeing with God and His word.  We are ALL His kids, if you are a parent you understand how much it hurts when your kids are not kind to each other...)

I am SO glad that our God is a God of joy!  Humor is a wonderful thing when we are attuned to His heart  - He wants us to laugh and enjoy life - just to do so in right order so it can be fully enjoyed by all!  

"A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold In settings of silver." Proverbs 25:11

"Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
Be acceptable in Your sight,
O Lord, my strength and my Redeemer."  Psalm 19:14

A Small Brown Dog Kind of Day

Several years ago, my family and I took a three week road trip across the south.  Along the way I spent many hours reading to my son.  His favorite story was "Small Brown Dog's Bad Remembering Day," about a dog that wakes up one morning and he has forgotten who he is.  On each page, another dog he meets tells him something about who he is.  At the end of the book, a police dog finds his collar and he realizes his name is Patches.  Throughout the book there is a little mouse hidden somewhere on every page.  On the last page as he finds out who he is the little mouse finally speaks and says... "I could have told you that."

One morning during this trip I was driving by myself and pulled over on the side of a country road as I felt the Lord speak to me, "you are having a Small Brown Dog day, you have forgotten who you are."  Of course I knew my name, but I knew in my spirit what the Lord was saying...  God had given me a clear call, a clear understanding of my identity found in Him and I had allowed the things of this world to cloud it.  I had been like that little dog, asking everyone I saw who I was, of course, not literally, but figuratively in that I was seeking their approval, so wanting to receive their love and acceptance.

We all want to be loved, but the problem with seeking man's approval is when we seek it to gain our value.   Each person asked may have a different answer about you, just like those dogs in the book trying to tell "Patches" who he was, and each answer can vary from on target, to completely off base depending on whether or not the person is hearing GOD about who you really are or making their own determination.  Unfortunately, most people base their opinions of others on very little evidence, but largely on their own perspectives and judgements, which can be tainted, or as in the book, just a very small part of who you are.  Even your own opinion of yourself is inaccurate if not lined up to who GOD says you are, what His word declares you are!  There is only one answer to who you really are, only ONE who knows you inside and out, knows the gifts, the callings, the plans for you...  ABBA.  He is that "still small voice", like the voice of the mouse, present on every page of your life, the One who can really tell you who you are...  When we seek our value from others we will be disappointed, when we find our value in Him we will find peace.


That morning, God set me back on track.  That morning, He reminded me who I am, the REAL me, the one He loves, the one He has a plan for, the one He sees value in... whether others do or not.  So, if you are having a "Small Brown Dog's Bad Remembering Day" (or month or year!), see what He says about you and ask Him to help you believe it!  Allow Him to remind you who you are...




God made you and he doesn't make junk...(and He does not lie!)
^{" Then God saw everything that He had made, and indeed it was very good. So the evening and the morning were the sixth day."} Genesis 1:31(NKJ)




"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11(NKJ) 




"But when the right time came, God sent his Son, born of a woman, subject to the law.⁵ God sent him to buy freedom for us who were slaves to the law, so that he could adopt us as his very own children.^[b] 6 And because we^[c] are his children, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, prompting us to call out, “Abba, Father.”^[d] 7 Now you are no longer a slave but God’s own child.^[e] And since you are his child, God has made you his heir." ^{Galatians 4:4(NLT)} 



  "I prayed to the LORD, and he answered me.
      He freed me from all my fears.
 ⁵ Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy;
      no shadow of shame will darken their faces.
 ⁶ In my desperation I prayed, and the LORD listened;
      he saved me from all my troubles.
 ⁷ For the angel of the LORD is a guard;
      he surrounds and defends all who fear him.
 ⁸ Taste and see that the LORD is good.
      Oh, the joys of those who take refuge in him!" ^{Psalm 34:4(NLT)} 




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QSIVjjY8Ou8